Sunday, June 12th, 2005
have you ever felt like as though you have screwed up your entire life just by doing one thing wrong?fulfilling our materialistic part of of our life makes a guilt inside us.especially me.when i bought my hats today, i felt like my life was never going to be happy again. that in future, i hav nothing. no happiness because i wasted away my time ,for playing and spending away monay like im printing$$, instead fer my studies.now i regret nonsensically using precious unreversible time.screwing up my major exams for sure.not life of happiness to past in future.feel like i hav no tommorow.no feelings to past.i feel like i wana do something for a meaning and future. for a purpose! what im doing now is onli to fulfil my endless materialistic life.this does not give happiness forever.this is not purposesible. what do i do without $$ in future? enjoy now. suffer later. wouldnt u also wana suffer now then later? life is never enjoyable. although we enjoy ourselves, think of it! while we are, we still hav some u nhappiness of what we are doing inside.tired out of playing.keep telling myself to start studying. but. cant seem to start.how i wish i was in a sports skool. or music skool. den i would b doing much better there.why study when i cant. and is not my preference?tired out from every last thing i do and think of.i wish i could end this with knowing there is a future. the everlasting one.
